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well lets see....I guess I am under some kind of punishment...I had no clue about?...hmmmmm?.....NOT!



*shakes head*...



anyway its not enough I had to deal with a mess with My son...that I couldnt do anything about...but people who has no idea what I am going through..are sticking their noses in shit they have no right to...if you dont know anything about whats going on...KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT!!!!!!!!...how hard is that?...*growls*



*takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly*....



I have enough on my mind...heart and plate to have to deal with peoples stupid drama....I am going to put my attention on what I have going on here...I can do stupid on My own..I dont need any help..I need people who will be smart for me...or just leave me alone...because I know I am smart for the people I care for...I deserve the same in return...



*listens to I see fire..calming down after venting a bit*...



I do have one more thing to say....*growls*...



where are peoples balls?...just wondering?...if I did something so unthinkable..why not confront Me?..tell Me what I did?..maybe because you have no proof?...or that maybe...just maybe its a lie..?



*sighs*....



okay..I really need to stop...



I need to stop talking about this...



I need to stop caring about those who want to act like a child...



I need to not have such an open heart ..that trusts so easy...*laughs*



I need to remember I have more class then to fall into this trap...



but hell...dont we all fall into the hole that is know as...



as the fucked up world turns..one time or another?





When I was a child ,I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became grown, I put childish things away. ~1 Corinthians 13:11~

I feel so worn down...missed my time writing here yesterday...my mind and body..I just dont know whats going on with it...right now..Im tired but cant seem to go back to sleep...I feel like just running down the street screaming....I am praying I can go back to sleep and I will wake up and it will be different...alone is worse then what I feel right now...I have to get out of this...I cant breath right now...

Today has been very odd for me in many ways ..I cant shake the feeling I want to be alone...but really dont...good days and bad days is all I seem I have left set in front of me...I hope I am wrong...I feel as thou I fuck up..or let down everyone and anything I touch...Im tired but Im not,,,I really dont know what to do with myself...I have hid most of the day and night...I cant seem to wrap my head around anything...a haze..I guess...I dont know...I dont even know why I am writing here except for the fact...I said would everyday...today has been about nothing but confusion ...I hope tomorrow is better..I pray for it...

I'm not a perfect person

There's many thing I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know



I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you



I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear



I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you



And the reason is you

And the reason is you

And the reason is you



I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know



I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you



I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

Today I have a decided to write every day....not because I was told to...or because its for someone else...but because its for me..and a record of what goes on...and what is inside me...I came here to the rave over 5 years go to find my place in this world...well...I did but didnt....so I am going to make my own place....I am not perfect..by no means..and i really dont fit in anyones mold of who a person should be..I cross the line...I dont fight every battle the way others might...but I do fight...I am a humanitarian...who still believes that there is some hope left in the creatures God made...with that being said I am one of those creatures...and that means I must be here for a reason just the way I am...*sighs*...I never saw that before...could I really be alright as who and what I am?...trust me I dont know exactly who and what that is just yet....but I learn more and more everyday...and the more I learn..the good and the bad...I learn what I want to change...and what I dont...and that means change is not so scary...*smiles alittle*....I have made choices in my life..that really thought I should re think because I was told...No...you cant do that because that means this....and you cant be both...well..sorry but thats BS because yes i can...who are they to say I cant...I did what I felt was right....and what I needed....and one day...my children will understand..because they are my children..and I taught them that not everyone fits inside just a box.... so I guess you can say this is a record not only for me..but them....as well as my Master..so He can see whats in my head...and my heart...I use to be able to just say it...but that was one thing that changed..that I hope I get back...and I know I will...because I know God and He will help me...and I am more then grateful... I am loved...as I Iove..and excepted for who and what I am...even if and when I doubt and in my eyes...and heart..that is the foundation for My perfect place in this world....

https://youtu.be/t0imaSCnSuA